Beating Lyrics- Halloween Special, Part 1

Oct 21, 20145 min read

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Published: Oct 21, 2014

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Greetings, this is TeiOuja, back with another Beating Lyrics Journal. Sorry I haven't been working on more of these lately, but I couldn't find the right material. Namely because most new songs tend to be either A) Partying Douchebro/Douchette Anthems, B) Pretentious Dross, or C) The 21st Century Equivalent to this: . But I'm back now, and boy do I have a treat for you. It's Halloween, and I've found the perfect group to tear apart on this spookiest of holidays. Ladies, Gentlemen and others, welcome to Scream For My Ice Cream. By everyone's favorite 'controversial' Prissy Faux-Rock band; BOTDF.

She's Melting [x2]

Autotune and repetition, my two 'favorite' pop cliches. And within the first two seconds.

This is going to be a long one.

Oh Oh Oh
She licked me like Ice Cream...

And there's your title, everyone! Comparing blowjobs to licking ice cream. I thought Miley Cyrus owned the monopoly of awkwardly crowbarring childish themes into adult imagery, but Dahvie Vanity [brilliant name by the way] has beaten her to that illustrious position.

Dippin' with my dipper,
We be drinkin' up the liquor.

Didn't I cover a song that talked about this dumbass message? Also, rhyming dipper with liquor. Truly this man is the Bob Dylan of our times. Though to be fair, they both have the same vocal range.

Party like a birthday,
Shake it like an earthquake.

Those words don't even remotely rhyme.

Meltin' like an Ice Cream cone,
Goin' for her danger zone.

Kenny Loggins, eat your heart out.

Go and suck my Lolli
Pop...
Sugar sweet,
Cherry topped.
For sure fit,
Too legit,
Hot Spot,
Twirk it, bitch!
Strip it down,
Work it up,
Baby let me fill you're cups.
O
To the M
To the F
To the G
Sticky
Messy,
Taste my treat.

How is this band different from every other pop band? OMFG? Twerking? Another fucking blowjob reference? For pete's sake, Dahvie, use whatever brain cells you have left and please stop resorting to the same stupid cliches that's featured in every modern Miley Cyrus or LMFAO song ever made. This is not even remotely interesting to listen to, and the droning beat doesn't make it any more bearable to stomach.

[Chorus]
But I love it when you...

Scream For My IceCream,
Tell me all you're dirty dreams.
Scream For My IceCream,
Show me what's your fantasies.
[X2]

This is why I listen to Frank Sinatra. This chorus is just painful to listen to. Oh, and pro tip; screamo is not your best friend. Didn't work for Brokencyde, and it certainly won't work for your dance song.

Let's
Get this party started
Drink
Til we get retarded

Didn't you learn anything from Fergie? Oh, and using 'retarded' to describe getting tanked is very rich coming from the braintrusts that thought screamo would mix well with autotune.

She licked me like I'm Ice Cream...

Okay, that's enough. Every time this song mentions Ice Cream as an innuendo, take a shot. Because this gimmick is getting really old really quickly.

What the fuck?
You know that we do it rough

A rare glimpse into the writing process for this song.

Move your feet
To the beat
With this shit
This song's complete

I flerking wish.

Move your body super sweet
Always like an ice cream treat

Move over, Shakespeare. This brainiac just outclassed you. Have I mentioned this song is painful to read yet?

Got a monster in my pants,
And if I ever get the chance,
Gonna cram it down your throat,
Watch you gasp for air and choke.

The band that gave us the acronym PLUR [Peace, Love, Respect and Unity], everyone.

I'm gonna jizz all in you're face!
I'm gonna wreck this fuckin' place!
Pull my hair,
Smash the chair,
Break the bed,
And give me head!

I haven't seen this much faux-thug posturing since Fred Durst. These lyrics are barely above the grandiose standard of your average troll argument in the Youtube Comment Section.

[Skipping the rest of this song because it's basically a rehash of the previous terrible lyrics.]

LET'S,
GET THIS PARTY STARTED!
DRINK,
'TILL WE GET RETARDED!!!

Flark screamo and flark anyone that flarking thinks that this dead flarking musical style flarking deserves to stay flarking relevant, you flarking hack!

ShE's MeLtInG...

A HA HA! !! !!!.....

And that's how the cookie crumbles. This song was just painful. I've a feeling we'll be seeing Dahvie again very soon.

But before I leave you, I have to address this inevitable argument; haters make you famous. Hate is not beneficial to one's reputation. Negative reception or press can and will destroy anyone in the industry. If we didn't have hatred or negative criticism, than we'd all be seeing Garbage Pail Kids 4; the Search for Fashion. Oh, and please don't say 'You're just jealous because they make more money than your poor ass' to defend this group. One's monetary gain is not always a sign of one's quality as an artist, a creator or as a personality. It's an irrelevant argument that doesn't hold water in any situation.